The Girl with the Goalden Boot

Friday, May 21, 2004

 

TYPICAL ASIANS

Taken from Jo's blog.

(BOLD what applies to YOU)

1. Your mother has short hair that's curly, perm, or dyed.
2. Your dad's some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places by saying you were 12 when you were really 15. (Try this: I'm turning 20 this year and this is still used! Argh!)
4. You ask your parents help on 1 math problem & 2 hours later, they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop 99 ranch.
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos w/ scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance & walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. You or your parents drive mostly Japanese cars.
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom. (Yes...so being stingy is an Asian thing, and it's not just me? LOL)
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs. (I steer clear of that shit! It grosses me out!)
15. At least once, you've started a joke w/ "Confucius say...."
16. You know what bok choy is.
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February. (The best part of being Asian huh? *grins*)
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, & closet doors.
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) everytime someone calls you.
20. You have no eyelashes.
21. Idiot people try to impress you w/ pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: "Ching chong woo bok chi" etc... (hell yeah...they did that heaps in primary school...and guess what I said in return? "gi-li-gu-lu! gi-li-gu-lu!" Haha..that was stupid too, but that was primary school!)
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl's a sin.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner.
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations ba ck invented the back scratcher.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body @ 12am to say, "In China, we studied even more."
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends w/ any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. An Asian woman comes on campus & people ask, "Is that your mother? No? Well then, is that your sister?" (I had an equivalent, but it was a nice one. This happens all the time when Caucasians see my photo with Kit in my wallet *sweet dreamy smile*)
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in Grade 8!"
31. Everyone thinks you're good @ math.
32. Your parents' vocabulary's filled w/ "Aiya!" & "Wah!" (no...MY vocab is!)
33. You like $1.75 movies.
34. You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green. (yeah! They used to do that like all the time...thank goodness I'm past that age!)
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
37. You never order chop suey, sweet & sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food. (I'm sure you've heard me complain about "fake" food!)
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
39. Your parents have never kissed you.
40. Your parents have never kissed each other (probably not since I was born I reckon!)
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick & ask you to translate.
44. You have to address all your parent's friends as "Aunty & Uncle." (which to this day and age I still find it strange. Cos they aren't really your aunties and uncles. But it was REALLY CUTE when Kit called my mum "auntie"!)
45. You have 12+ aunts & uncles.
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage & NEVER order dessert. (I'm allowed to order Coke/Pepsi...YAY!)
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread & say, "Eat anyway; it's still good." ("don't waste food!")
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. (strangely enough...no)
49. You will most likely be taller than your parents. (usually the kids do catch up to the parents in height, it's not really limited to Asians.)
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both. (LOL! Fine example...I like the piano and love music, but I wish I had taken drama classes instead.)
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift.
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees; you know, the ones w/ the blue and pink stripes at the top.
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV. (AND that American Idol contestant...)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture. (yeah and to this day it still drives me crazy!)
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, & strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine. (none of that shit either...thank goodness my mum's a nurse!)
58. You own a rice cooker or two.
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. Your parents buy you clothes & shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" & wear it for years to come. (thank goodness I'm now past this age too. It was hell! Doubly hell since I'm skinny as well!)
63. Your parents believes in Feng Shui.
64. Your parents are very conservative & think that tank tops/halters/spaghetti straps show too much skin. (Yeah! They say that, but then I remind them of my ballet leotards and costumes...hehe...)
65. Every time your parents lecture you, they always make up excuses that relate to everything you've done in the past.
66. You eat rice everyday.
67. You like JIN.
68. When you were little, your parents beat you with sticks & stuff.
69. The adults fight for the bill when you go out for dinner. (Yeah...it gets a little out of control sometimes.)

24 out of 69. I'm only 35% Asian. Hehe.

Lola Nadal 10:00 PM