The Girl with the Goalden Boot

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

 

Re-writing existing narratives...

R A P U N Z E L
So OK, you’re probably thinking, “Not another little kiddy fairy-tale?” But really, this is like no normal fairy-tale. At least, I don’t think of my life as a fairy-tale. I take my life seriously, OK?

I don’t remember much of my childhood. I don’t even know who my parents are. All I remember was I was locked up in a tower in the middle of nowhere since I was twelve. By this old bitch who claimed to be my mother. But like, as if! I’m like way too pretty to be her daughter! Everyday I had to let my long blonde hair down so that bitch could tug at my hair and make her way up. You know, like to check on me, see if I’ve goofed off somewhere. Um, hello! There aren’t stairs to this tower, like where could I go?

That’s it. There goes my life. Prisoner in a tower with no exits. Like, what was I supposed to do for the rest of my life? Well, I guess there were two things I could still do — plait my hair and sing…

Then one morning a deep voice called out the familiar, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!” I thought that dragon lady must have lost her voice or something, so I let my hair down as I usually did. But, oh my God, a guy! I must have looked so stupid cos never in my life had I seen a guy before, and I kept looking at him all over! He told me he heard my singing and was touched by it (whatever!), and was curious why I lived in such an isolated part of town. Clearly, he fell in love with me at first sight cos I’m such a Betty, and you know what, he proposed to me! It was so sudden, and he was such a Barney (and I swear he could’ve been a farmer in those clothes he wore!). But then I thought if I marry him then I could get the hell outta here! Slight hitch. How on earth was I supposed to get down from the filthy tower?

He came everyday and brought me stuff to make some sort of rope. But I was like so dumb and the secret just slipped out of my mouth, “You know, you pull more roughly on my hair than he does.” Boy, was she pissed! She tore my beautiful golden tresses off my head, and then I swear she drugged me…

I woke up, and found myself in a cottage, again in the middle of nowhere. Phew! At least I was out of that really gross tower. And the wicked witch was nowhere to be found. Wow — free at last! And then I saw something that broke my heart...

He had a sash around his eyes. That poor guy, he got me out of the tower but he got whacked by that old bitch, and damaged his eyes! I felt absolutely terrible. He was already a Barney, and on top of that, he lost his sight. That poor dude, I like felt so sorry for him, he doesn’t stand a chance now. Immediately I told him I’d loved to be his wife. Yeah, I know, a Betty like me deserves more, but he was my lifesaver!

And for those of you who are worried about my hair, don’t worry, it grew back, as pretty as ever! Thank goodness for inventions like Pantene Pro V!

Lola Nadal 5:33 PM